My list of various humorous, semi-humorious, and just plain deranged quotes from Bernard and Co.
Email updates@new-order.net if you have any that you would like to add!
BS: "Oh by the way, everyone says this, but we do love New York. The drugs are so cheap there...and plentiful..."
Some chatter from BS slagging off Gene Loves Jezebel...can't quite make it out.
PH: "This is the brass section. If the Jam can do it, I'm sure we can." (intro for In a Lonely Place)
PH: "Well, there are several big blokes here that'll RIP YER FUCKIN' HEAD OFF!" (intro for Temptation)
PH: "This one's A Certain Ratio song, we'd thought we play it for you because you would save (say?) it for me." (intro for 'Confusion')
Both Lonesome Tonights intro with Bernard imploring everybody to move back. The first one has Hooky cussing out people with video cameras taking up room in the front or something like that, audio isn't easy to make out. (live 7/2/83)
(think this was the gig to benefit a coal miners' strike)
"You all move back a bit, else we'll be doing another suffocation benefit next week. I'm sure you don't want us to gig London again."
"You reached out in your sleep, and you felt my big fat cock."
BS: "Right, I'm gonna wake up you Mission fans up now. I see you all, dressed in black, picking your fucking noses. What we want is New Order fans!"
PH (falsetto): "I can't 'ear you!"
BS: "This is the first festival I've ever played where the band's been more out of it than the audience."
BS: "Sorry about that, we all had to go get some heroin. Oh, I'm joking, oh I'm joking! Cuz, remember, Drugs Are Bad For You."
BS: "Thank you very much. We're gonna play another new song now, tell you what it's called, but I can't announce the title cuz I'm pissed...(few seconds' pause)...it's As It Is When It Was."
BS: "This next song is another new song. It's called "Shame Of The Nation". All we know, its about shagging, mindless shafting, so you all probably understand it."
I know you / you know me / and we're as fucked up / as we can be
PH: "What?...Can't hear ya...You see, New York is so wild, they have to have a 15 foot gap between you and us."
BS: "Thank you, thank you...I've always liked New York. Always."
BS: "Get a bit excited on the old [win...] remember. Here's our artistic intrpretation of it..."
BS: "The right _____ for this song that
[probably talking about the muezzin samples for this song taken
from Byrne/Eno MyLifeInTheBushOf_Ghosts]
BS: "Good evening, punters. Hope y'all are enjoying yourselves."
This is a p____ ___ ___ tune. It's called...I don't know what
it's called actually."
BS: "I want all of you singing along for this one, all you Funhouse
bastards."
(background, one of the roadies..."Ready?"...another roadie..."No")
BS: "Sorry to keep you waiting, we're just waiting for the sequencer
to load up. We're not sorry really, I don't give a shit at all.
I don't, anyway."
BS: "Seldom...seldom have I ever met an audience more lethargic
that we are...very quiet here in New York, aye. Aren't we all
Joy Division fans? Sussed you out, eh? (audience member yells
"Don't forget we're gonna get you!!!)
How does it it feel, to be treated in front of a cunt like you
(getting back at some front row heckler, it sounds like)
...thought I heard you (falseto) speak...
PH: "I'm getting paid for it, though..." (cheering)
BS: "Okay, this next one involves use of a Sequential Circuits
ten thousand note memory sequencer..." Of course it messes
up, leaving Bernard mumbling something unintelligable but I
suspect not pleasant.
I can't 100% vouch for what I'm hearing, but Bernard's
improvising lyrics on Confusion in a confusing fashion...
"Hiding your feelings
Your tits are so big
BS: "Thanks a lot. We'd like to dedicate this next song to the
City of Glasgow."
BS: "Think it is, anyway, is it? Yes it is.
(they were having technical difficulties, resulting
in the following unusual sequence to start out, done
to beat)
"Just takes us a long time to get going.
A very long time.
It's starting now."
After the song finishes us, Bernard smartly notes:
"It sounds a bit like that."
PH: "You may ask yourself what could possibly go wrong? No..."
(terrible bass racket)
"That."
BS: "Eh...we left our drinks on stage, so we had to come back on.
Ahahaha. Hear about the Ethopian prostitute? She had more men
than hot dinners."
I don't care if you got a big dick
BS: "You tell us what to play and we *won't* play it"
BS: "Shut your fookin' gobs, as Bernard Manning would say, 'At
wo here an me'(?)
"Wisdom of a cunt will set you free"
BS: "Understand we haven't played here in Cambridge in 6 years."
(adopts fake Oxbridge accent)
BS: "This is a very, very, very, very, very new song, it's called
Shellshock, and it's our new song. A lot of people say we
can't play, but some of us know better, don't we?"
BS: "Well, what a tame audience we have. What a bunch of boring
cunts here. (probably responding to audience taunting)
Boring melodic(?). You know you want to.
BS: (mutters) "What's the next song" PH: "Ceremony" (cough)
PH: "Don't give a fuck [for us I see]?"
BS: "No problem, we don't care."
BS: (to stage crew) "I don't. Have you got a cord for this?"
to taunter) "Shut up, you bastard...(bass riff starts)...
No, that was a compliment."
BS: "(unintelligible)the connection for this flute. Few lights when I'm
playing on the Casio I'm playing, not like it counts in the state
tonight I'm in..."
PH: "Don't seem to be another after that, eh. Fucking A.
You lucky bastards."
(after song finishes...)
PH: "We might have [dodged death?] as well as that"
BS: "...This is a very old song, it's called 'The Day The Road Crew Got A
Jump'...."
BS: "I like him over there, he's one bloke who needs a jump!"
PH: "Take a bow, take a bow, mate."
BS: "When you reached out in your sleep, and you felt my big fat cock"
Also said at the gig...
BS: "You all move back a bit, else we'll be doing a...a suffocation
benefit next week. I'm sure you don't want us in London again."
And later:
BS: "People are getting crushed, please step back. Actually, I don't
give a fuck really, but it sounds good to say that."
Here's a great stanza for the ages:
"When I walked through the door, my wife she laid upon the floor
She was sucking cocks, that whore, and here I lie.
I said you dirty bastard, what are you doing on the floor?
'Sucking big fat cocks all fucking day long.'"
Another great couplet, and why the scariest job on earth is doing
New Order's sound:
You saw your arms touch my thighs
(from GeoBest via Ceremony list)
My favorite banter is Oakland Aug '85, such as "for the little shit who
spit on us from the front, come backstage after..."
BS: "Thank you very much. It's great to be back in America again.
Get some sunshine. Take some drugs!"
BS: "Absolutely beautiful place you got here at Vista Point...it's
a real pleasure to be here. We're in Seattle."
Billy Corgan laughs.
BS: "It's not a question, is it?"
BS: "Thank you. Thanks very much. So pleased to see you all. I'm so
pleased you like Ceremony. [Bernard raises voice] I'm so pleased you
like Temptation. (somebody shouts their affermation) I'm so pleased you
like Blue Monday. (yeah) Straight from Top Of The Pops, we have New Order!
On my left, we have Peter Hook. On my right, we have Gillian Gilbert.
Behind me, we have Ian Curtis."
BS: "It's a fucking Blue Monday. I dread the day we ever fucking wrote
it. Played it five thousand times. I never liked it in the first
fucking place (at this point, Bernard is breaking down in giggles)...
no, it's fantastic." (the concert was played on a Monday)
BS: "Thank you very much. I'd try to think of something witty to say,
but I'm not very witty, unfortunately."
BS: "Thank you very much. As Divine said, 'I've had more people in bed
than there is in this room tonight'....but not quite as much feedback."
BS: "I prefer fur hats to hairy twats, but your hairy twat is like a fur
hat"
BS: "I know the [sounds like: lighted door], I just heard that
Gene Loves Jezebel had broken up. That makes me very happy."
BS: "Thank you very much. This next song is our last song, it's
called Sunrise. (cheers) It's all about nothing. It's a catchy
title and a catchy tune, but it doesn't really mean anything.
Guess that's like the story of my life. And yours as well."
BS: "Why do women have legs? So they don't leave a trail like a slug."
BS: "See, we've played that one so much that we can play it."
BS: "Naked saunas.....marching music......"
BS: "I've always liked Wolverhampton. It reminds me of Wolves. Wolves
with big dicks."
BS: "I'd like to dedicate this song to someone who couldn't be with us
tonight because he's dead. I think you all know who I mean.......Mr
Elvis Presley"
BS: "Just played that one, Gillian. I must say I'm very impressed with
Wolverhampton. I've always liked the name of it, it reminds me of wolves.
Wolves with big dicks. There's one 'ere."
Intro to Denial Tower Ballroom Birmingham 09 May 83
Intro to Confusion Paradise Garage NY 07 Jul 83
Intro to Ceremony Paradise Garage NY 07 Jul 83
Blue Monday altered lyrics Paradise Garage NY 07 Jul 83
Intro to Confusion Tower Ballroom Birmingham 09 May 83
You told me you care
But you think the cost
Stop laughing in bed
They're meant to be rare[?]
Your nipples are for sucking
[sounds like: 'Tearing my rod', but isn't]"
Intro to Elegia Barrowlands Glasgow 06 Feb 85
Intro to Perfect Kiss Barrowlands Glasgow 06 Feb 85
Very very very long time.
Called a Perfect Kiss
Takes a long time to get going, doesn't it?
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Doesn't start like this on the record.
It starts very different to this on the record.
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Fucking hurry up!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Intro to Age of Consent Barrowlands Glasgow 06 Feb 85
NO come back on stage for encore...(Ceremony) Barrowlands Glasgow 06 Feb 85
1963 alternative lyrics
Ah Johnny won't you hear me Johnny won't you hear me?
23 MAR 83 State Ballroom - Liverpool England
Intro to Bizarre Love Triangle - 27 MAR 86 Apollo Theatre Oxford
PH: "Yo"
BS: "Okay, I'm ready"
Intro to This Time of Night - 27 MAR 86 Apollo Theatre Oxford
"Y'all so wonderful ah y'all"
Intro to Shellshock - 27 MAR 86 Apollo Theatre Oxford
Intro to Ceremony - 27 MAR 86 Apollo Theatre Oxford
Intro to Sunrise - 27 MAR 86 Apollo Theatre Oxford
Intro to Face Up - 27 MAR 86 Apollo Theatre Oxford
Intro to Ceremony - 27 JUN 83 The Commodore Vancouver Canada
Lyrics to Lonesome Tonight - 6 DEC 85 Polytechnic of Central London
Lyrics to Love Vigilantes - 15 OCT 85 University of London
Lyrics to Solitude/Skullcrusher - 17 MAY 84 Paradiso Amsterdam
Turn the phone back like it was at the soundcheck!
Turn the guitar up and turn the vocals up too!
Oh I have never met a cunt like you!
Said somewhere during 19 AUG 85 - Henry Kaiser Center - Oakland CA
Outro to Your Silent Face - 03 AUG 91 Gorge Amphitheatre Seattle
Outro to Touched By The Hand Of God - 03 AUG 91 Gorge Amphitheatre Seattle
During Ceremony - 24 APR 83 Rosehill Hotel Kilkenny, Ireland
Intro to Blue Monday - 12 NOV 01 Olympia - Paris
Intro to Face Up - 14 FEB 87 Seline's - Sydney, Australia
Outro to Subculture - 12 AUG 85 McAllister Auditorium - New Orleans
Face Up - 19 MAR 84 Caesar's Palace - Bradford
Mr Disco - 27 APR 89 Universal Ampitheatre - Universal City, CA
Sunrise - 25 JAN 86 SFX Center - Dublin, Ireland
586 - 14 APR 83 Tiffany's - Glasgow, Scotland
Temptation - 27 JAN 85 Tiffany's - Leeds
15 NOV 01 Columbiahalle Cologne
27 FEB 86 Civic Hall Wolverhampton
18 MAY 85 Briotone Solonic - Sydney, Australia
27 FEB 86 Civic Hall - Wolverampton